In Matters of The Heart...

i have often been told that a heart is much like a vault... or a lock... if you dont have the combination, or if you dont have the right key... then you're screwed... but the question i present to you tonight is: what happens when someone had broke the combination... or picked the lock.? what happens when you had given that person the KEY? or the COMBINATION and they abused it... and then try to get back in..?


i am frustrated and confused by the current events of a past relationship... the very first love of my life... the man who had much more than my heart... he had my virginity... wants to start afresh... now this is someone who did me so wrong that the WORST that you can think of is probably a step up... and low and behold he wants to fix things... but yet, he knows i have a man... and while i may have my ups and downs with him i really cant see myself without that man... (*sigh* i really am in love with that EMO bum) and yet my ex still persists.. almost as if to say "i know i can get back in i have the key/combo" and then it dawned on me... do we ever really change the password? change the locks? replace the combination to the heart? everytime we are heatbroken... we hear about these mends and repairs... but i hardly ever hear about some improvements... we fix what once, was broken... but can i honestly say that the password/combo/key was ever changed??

thinkin back i can say no, it hasnt... what i wanted out of love back then is still what i desire in my heart today... and i still do love each and every one off the ppl i allowed into my heart... so what makes it different..? what makes it so that the heart can grant one person access... and not the "previous owner/ trustee"...? i like to think that its the out-with-the-old-in-with-the-new thing... but i know THAT cant be true... because if that were the case... then the whole "love triangle" thing wouldnt even exist.. those ppl who have the past with the present tryin to make a future... they cant decide who should hold the key... or they cant decide who can do it better... or they like to be greedy.. i dunno really

me? i like to think that i have multiple chambers and locks and doors and vaults... and for every heart break i had... while that key was still there... it just let one of the other doors lose and lock.... at this point i feel like i have used up all of the security features of my heart and this is the last one... which is why im so scared that should this not work out with my man.. that will really be it for me... and i will be done with everything... even life, as i know it... but my heart has gone thru many more chambers since the first lock was opened... and i really cannot go back... nor would i ever want to...

i just want to know why though... why do some ppl think that by doin that... its gonna make everything better again.. when in actuallity - it will take a myriad of approaches just to get to where the heart really is... and most of the time... no one wants to let anyone in that close....

its just a thought really...